My name is Julie, and I’m an addict. I’m also a former porn star, centerfold, and criminal. I wear many hats, most of which are a product of my childhood. Actually, they’re a product of something that happened before I was even born. I was supposed to have an older brother, Geoffrey, but I didn’t--not because Geoffrey wasn’t born, but because at five years old he drank Kool- Aid at a birthday party laced with cyanide. That incident would go on to set the tone for my dysfunctional childhood. I didn’t stand a chance.
As a kid, I saw and experienced way too much. I was the little girl other little girls weren’t allowed to play with. By the time I was a teen, it was clear my acting out was more than just a stage. I drank. I smoked pot. I got arrested. I flirted with teachers. I found my power at an early age--my body, and I had enough trauma in my past that I was willing to use it in all the wrong ways. The first time I stripped it was to prove to an abusive boyfriend that I was as pretty as the other girls on stage. When stripping wasn’t enough, I started doing adult films. Terrible men and objectification was the name of the game. I also had drugs to keep me company along the way. Then when an AIDS scare pushed me out of the business, I found a life of crime alongside members of an infamous motorcycle gang was just as sexy as a life in front of a camera. I suppose I’ve always been confused about what the word “sexy” means, and I imagine you’ll realize that as you read.
This is a life story full of awful stuff --childhood abuse, early onset addiction, men who hurt me emotionally and physically, and careers that no little girl dreams about having one day. My name is Julie, and I am an addict. My addiction has caused me to hurt a lot of people, but addicts are also people who have been hurt, a lot. It can be hard to understand an addict because we’re, well, unpredictable. My story is also unpredictable, but it is me, and it has surprising glimpses of hope if you look really closely. This is a story of a woman that began coming undone when she was still just a girl, but it’s also a story of power and love in some pretty strange places. Like my life, my story can be rough in places, but it’s worth the time it takes to read.